Monday, July 24, 2006
HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK 1. Open a new file in your PC . 2. Name it "Boss" 3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN 4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?" 6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly.... 7. Feel better HAVE A NICE DAY :)1) Y do people prefer football over cricket ? They rather watch Brazil win n see females go topless than see india win n see Ganguly takng out his shirt ! 2) Kisi ko kisi ki judai maar gayi. Kisi ko zindagi ki tanhai maar gayi. Ravan bhi bura aadmi nahin tha doston, use to Ram ki lugai maar gayi.. 3) Ye badal ye bijli sirf apke liye hai, Ye mausam ye hawa sirf apke liye hai, 6 mahine bit gaye apko nahye hue, Ye barish yeh boonde sirf apke liye hai. 4) Janaza agar unke dar se guzre to thodi der rukwa dena,hath uthe agar duao ke liye to chahere se kafan hata dena ,aur vajah puche maut ki to sensex bata dena. 5) Santa :- Yaar tune apni Biwi ko Talaak kyo diya? Sardar :Yaar woh badi character less thi.Shaadi mujhse ki aur Baccha Bhagwan se mangti thi. 6) When i miss u, i read your sms. when i want 2 c u, i close my eyes. Andwhen i want 2 hear u,i throw a STONEover a DOG. 7) Maine tumko Phone kiya to netwrk bola,Namskar!paglo ki duniya me apka swagat hai,Aapko jinse baat krni hai unka DIMAAG abhi SWITCH 0FF hai 8) Girl:I wanna a responsible man as a husband.Man replies:Dat's me,whenever anyone is pregnant in my neighbourhood,they say I m responsible! 9) Rat bahot ho chuki hai... ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? key pad dabane se subha nahi hogi. chupchap so jao. Gud nite. 10) Imagine life without me...Khali khali hai na? AJI HUM CHEEZ HI AISI HAI..
Thursday, July 13, 2006
[1] My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but Igot canned. I couldn't concentrate.[2] Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I justcouldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. [3] After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn'tsuited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job. [4] Next,I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that wastoo exhausting. [5] Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a littlespice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme. [6] I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I slicedit I couldn't cut the mustard. [7] My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn'tnoteworthy. [8] I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't haveany patience. [9] Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I justdidn't fit. [10] I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that Icouldn't live on my net income.[11] I managed to get a good job working for a Pool MaintenanceCompany, but the work was just too draining. [12] So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said Iwasn't fit for the job. [13] After many years of trying to find steady work, I finallygot a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no'future in it. [14] My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quitbecause it was always the same old grind. [15] SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THEJOB!Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in Onemonth. Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies inone month. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if noman and woman are available. Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'llproduce a child with zero resources. Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered,they'll just document 9 months. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to producea baby. And lastly................. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
HOW DO WE THINK OF OUR DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES At 4 YearsMy daddy is great . At 6 YearsMy daddy knows everybody. At 10 YearsMy daddy is good but is short tempered At 12 YearsMy daddy was very nice to me when I was young . At 14 Years My daddy is getting fastidious. At 16 YearsMy daddy is not in line with the current times. At 18 YearsMy daddy is becoming increasingly cranky. At 20 YearsO h! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him. At 25 Years Daddy is objecting to everything. At 30 Years I t's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when I was young. At 40 Years Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same. At 45 YearsI am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up. At 50 YearsMy daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son. At 55 Years My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of his kind and unique. At 60 Years My daddy is great. Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st.stage. Realize the true value of your parents before its too late.
1. What is height of Fashion? A. Dhoti with a zip. 2. What is height of Secrecy? A. Offering blank visiting cards. 3. What is height of Active laziness? A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk. 4. What is height of Craziness? A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed. 5. What is height of Forgetfulness? A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last. 6. What is height of Stupidity? A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door. 7. What is height of Honesty? A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket. 8. What is height of Suicide? A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road. 9. What is height of De-hydration? A. A cow giving milk powder.
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-lawarrives in the family, everything changes.Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....They don'tcome to change the family,they are here to.....(READ ON !) The new wife (progressive Indian woman of today),was being welcomed atthe husband's home in a traditional manner.As expected she gave aspeech; "My dear family,I thank you for welcoming me in my new home andfamily,firstly,my being here does not mean that I would want to changeyour way of life,your routine. "No,I will never do that,never in amillion years.""What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law."What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws) Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND Those who used toclean should continue cleaning !!!"And what are you here for Bahurani?" enquired the mother-in-law. "AS FOR ME,I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON !!!!!"
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