Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
A Sexy wifes phone call picked by his Colleague. A creative ad video by motorola showing its phone capability of Video Conferencing Tags : .
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006Control-Alt-Delete (often abbreviated to Ctrl-Alt-Del) is a computer keyboard command on IBM PC compatible systems that can be used to reboot the computer. It is given by simultaneously pressing the Control, Alt, and Delete keys. It can also be used to summon the task manager or Windows Security in more recent versions of Windows. This keyboard combination was designed by David Bradley , a designer of the original IBM PC. Bradley originally designed Control-Alt-Escape to trigger a soft reboot, but he found it was too easy to bump the left side of the keyboard and reboot the computer accidentally. He switched the key combination to Control-Alt-Delete, a combination impossible to press with just one hand (this is not true of later keyboards, such as the 102-key PC/AT keyboard or the Maltron keyboard). More advanced operating systems use its status as a "reserved" combination for various purposes, but often retain the ability to trigger a soft reboot in certain configurations or circumstances. David Bradley is also known for his good-natured job at Bill Gates, at that time the CEO of Microsoft, and also the creator of many of Microsoft's programs: "I may have invented Control-Alt-Delete, but Bill [Gates] made it famous", alluding to the three keystrokes required to reboot a crashed operating system or close crashed programs in most Microsoft operating systems.
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: ______________________________________________ Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your Salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, We assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need A raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your Money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you Do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where You need to be and therefore you do not need a raise . ______________________________________________ Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of Sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come To work. ______________________________________________ Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are Called Saturday & Sunday. ______________________________________________ Bereavement Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do For dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be Made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare Cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should Be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to Work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ______________________________________________ Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now A strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three Minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, The stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your Second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin Board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling In the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health Policy. ______________________________________________ Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, So that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes For lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time Needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ______________________________________________ Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide A positive employment experience. _____________________________________________ Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, Frustrations, irritations , aggravations, insinuations, allegations, Accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be Directed elsewhere
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
A small humorous & effective ad by the Anti Smoking Society. A creative theme for the campaign Offer it to People U hate !! Tags :
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying : " Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat Embarrassed, " Doin just fine!" And the other guy says: " So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this Is too bizarre so I say: " Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!" At this point im just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear I Hear another question. " Can I come over ?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could Just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, " No....... I'm a little busy right now !!!" Then I hear guy say nervously.... Listen. I'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the Other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!" Cya Take Care
A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:- Dear Sir, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice. The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart". I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City. Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me Last but not the least. I also have the 7000 Rs entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command. I thank you for that in advance, and assure you that I will surely invest them wisely (but not in your company's stocks of course). Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining. Your faithful employee, S. W. Engineer At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read: PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this. My respect and Best Regards to you!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006Life is precious .. Drive safely
Tuesday, August 15, 2006The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?" Sure" replied her lover "What's your phone number?" A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me alright." A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long." "I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor." "Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" "Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over." The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge." The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner." "Good" replied the husband, "make sure she's well done."
Saturday, August 12, 2006Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and walls...
A budding poet trying his best...
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...
Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only farted
Someone who had a different experience wrote
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
There are also people who come in for a different purpose...
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space...
(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.
Ministry of Environment advertisement.
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please
On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.
And finally my favourite, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...
please aim properly.
A step by step explanation of what happens when you search for something in Google.com. Note that the search result is generated within 1/2 a second, truly incredible. Google search doesn't rely on high capability servers for its search processing, but instead uses large number of low cost Personal Computer (PCs) interconnected together.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006Side effects of alcohol ... and remedies!!! 1. *Symptom*: Cold and humid feet. * Cause*: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet). * Cure:* Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward 2. *Symptom*: The wall facing you is full of lights. * Cause*: You're lying on the floor.* Cure:* Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 3. *Symptom*: The floor looks blurry. * Cause*: You're looking through an empty glass. * Cure:* Quickly refill with your favorite beverage. 4. *Symptom*: The floor is moving.* Cause*: You're being dragged away. * Cure:* At least ask where they're taking you. 5. *Symptom*: You hear echoes every time someone speaks. * Cause*: You have your glass on your ear. * Cure:* Stop making a fool of yourself! 6. *Symptom*: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive. * Cause*: You're in an ambulance. * Cure:* Don't move. Let the professionals do their job. 7. *Symptom*: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny. * Cause*: You're in the wrong house.* Cure:* Ask if they can point you to your house.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006A sneak preview of what future Ipod and MAC systems will look like. There are more to come ... Check in again !!
Monday, August 07, 2006Never seen something like this, but thought it is nice to share this photographs.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
This is the easiest technique to identify the sex of a snake. Just kidding enjoy the photo!!!!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
- Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a Person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!
- Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
- Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
- Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.
- The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.
- To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.
- Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.
- Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.
- It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.
- Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.
- Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
- Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
- Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.
- Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
- Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.
- Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.
- At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by Breathing.
- There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.
- Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot...
- Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.
- The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
- In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch and make it look like it's smiling.
- The color blue can have a calming affect on people.
- Depending upon the shade, the brain may send up to 11 tranquilizing chemicals to calm the body
- Leonardo DA Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. Now we know why his pictures were exquisite!!
- Names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).
- The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and parrot.
- The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
- Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age
- The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.
- Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.
- All U.S. Presidents have worn glasses; some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public.
- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
- Raw cashews are poisonous and must be roasted before.
Hearing problem... a short story A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response. "That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" ;;;;"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." --------------------- Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" --------------------- Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..." --------------------- Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support: ?!%#$ --------------------- Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" --------------------- Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer: "A white one." --------------------- Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer: "How do you spell that?" --------------------- Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." --------------------- Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium." --------------------- Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." --------------------- Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." --------------------- Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" --------------------- Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." --------------------- Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" --------------------- Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know whe! n it's ready?" --------------------- A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes. 10 minutes later. User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using? User: MS-DOS 6.22. Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User: I need a new power supply. Tech: How did you come to that conclusion? User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. --------------------- Customer care officer: I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? ---------------------
Wednesday, August 02, 2006I was trying to explain the concepts of Limits and Functions in Maths lecture to Santa Singh by giving him the following example
To check if he really got the concept I gave him some examples to solve. This was the result...